Reblogging this after the tragic suicide of Robin Williams. If you are feeling suicidal, please call your local suicide prevention number, call 911, or go to your closest emergency room.
Originally posted on purplepersuasion:
In July 2011 I wrote a post entitled, “Ten things not to say to a depressed person.” It was the first piece on this blog to attract a large audience and I own much of my blogging success to that post and its companion piece, “Ten supportive things I’m glad somebody said to me.”
I’ve decided the time is right for a similar piece on dealing with suicidal people (although I’m definitely not expecting the same number of readers for this post!). Suicidal thoughts have been a problem for me since around Christmas and the wide variety of responses I’ve received to my blogs and tweets, along with training to be a Mental Health Instructor, have given me cause to think about how people respond to individuals they know to be suicidal. A common response is feeling that they must throw some logic at the problem. What people don’t…
View original 1,724 more words
It’s sad for me to say, but it appears that this blog has outlived its usefulness. Its original purpose was to educate cisgender people about transgender issues, and evolved into doing the same while documenting my own journey in becoming more trans-aware and recognizing and owning my cis privilege… all with the goal of bridging understanding between cisgender and transgender people.
Writing does not come easily to me. Sometimes I spend an entire day—or more—on a single post; hence the infrequency of posts as I try to cope with a rather chaotic personal life. Yet there seems to be only one person who regularly reads my posts and after an initial interest by a few cisgender friends, and a lot of support by a number of transgender friends, this interest seems to have dwindled.
I believe that what I was—what I have been—doing has been important and valuable, yet there doesn’t seem to be any point in continuing to write if nobody is reading. So, I am stopping. Unless something changes, this will be my last post. :'(
I am posting this as a favor to my friend Suzan. To reach Suzan for more information, click here to be directed to her blog, then click on “About” in the upper right-hand corner and you will find her email address there. :)
08/07/2014 — Suzan
It has been a while in coming. First I declared myself neutral in the endless trans-wars. Then I embraced being post-transsexual. I realized that as an old woman I had no desire to be a trans-activist or for that matter exploit my having been trans for economic benefit.
I’m in the process of simplifying my life as well as starting a new small business.
Some people have been after me to donate my library to various institutions.
The truth is I can’t afford to donate my library to some institution that is probably better off than I am. Therefore I am selling off my library on E-Bay.
While you might be able to find some of the books for less it won’t be much less.
While I can’t afford to contribute them for free to an archive perhaps you might purchase one of these books and donate it.
Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green
Excluded : Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive…
Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism by Pat Califia
Trans/forming Feminisms: by Krista Scott-Dixon
Transgender History by Susan Stryker
Finding the Real Me : True Tales of Sex and Gender Diversity…
Transseexualism and Sex Reassignment
My Story by Caroline Cossy
I Am a Woman by Tula (1982, Paperback, Illustrated)
Hidden in Plain Sight by Leslie D. Townsend (2002, Paperback)…
Lesbians Talk Transgender (Lesbians Talk Issues) by Zachary I Natif…
The Woman I Was Not Born to Be : A Transsexual Journey by Aleshia Brevard
Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity
Blending Genders : Social Aspects of Cross-Dressing and Sex-Changing
Sex Change, Social Change By Viviane Namaste
Presentations of Gender by Robert Stoller
The Uninvited Dilemma: A Question of Gender
Gender: An Ethnomethodological Approach
Transgender Nation by Gordene Olga MacKenzie
Lessons from the Intersexed by Suzanne J. Kessler
Suits Me : The Double Life of Billy Tipton by Diane Wood …
The Transsexual Empire: The Making of the She-Male.
This is just the initial offering more will follow.
Following is a video of an exclusive video of Cathy Brennan spewing her usual TERF RATfem, hateful crap. I will highlight some of her comments that particularly pissed me off but this post is not finished & will be completed later.
New to Trans*Cister?
Welcome. To learn about the purpose of this blog, you may click on the “About” tab and choose the “This Blog” option. Just click on the back arrow in your browser to return to this page.
If you wish (and it makes a lot a sense to do so if you are new to transgender issues), you may begin reading from the first post by clicking here, and advance post by post by clicking on the link to each succeeding next post at the bottom right; the links are listed by title in a very light gray color but will turn red when you hover over them. (The second post is called “Daphne.”)
This is a “sticky” post and (at least for now) is “stuck” to the front page of this blog.
This post may piss some people off. If it pisses you off, please click on “About”, choose “This Blog” and read that page, particularly the last part about the purpose of this blog being my documenting my journey in understanding transgender and intersex issues and attempting to normalize the experiences of cisgender people to encourage them to take a similar journey.
I am being open and honest about my experiences and feelings, as ugly as some of them may seem to some of you. I’m a 55 year old cisgender woman who was socialized at a time when transgender people essentially did not exist: I have biases that I am trying to unlearn and am working to own my cisgender privilege. But I’m only human and 55 years of no information and misinformation is a lot to unlearn and it takes time; any cisgender person reading this needs to know that their feelings — their uncomfortable feelings of confusion, embarrassment, tentativeness about asking questions at the risk of offending anyone, etc. — are normal. It is difficult knowing someone as one gender, learning they are another and then adjusting to their transition, using the correct name, pronouns, etc., and transgender people need to realize that when we screw up it’s not always due to malice.
I have a transgender friend I met online 2 years ago before she came out publicly as trans. So I knew her by her birth name (I will use the name “Ron” — not her actual birth name) and her picture on Facebook was of a middle-aged, balding, male-bodied person.
I was involved in conversations when she chose her new name (I will call her “Carrie” — not her real name), and in private all of our friends called her by her new real name. But in public I could not do that, and her name still showed up as “Ron” and her pic was still of that same middle-aged guy.
Obviously, I would never out anyone, but I felt very uncomfortable calling my friend “Ron” and I knew that doing so would also make it even more difficult for me to see her as a woman as she transitioned, so I started calling her by her last name. This may sound weird to some, but seeing the name “Ron” accompanied by a male-bodied picture made it very difficult for me to see Carrie as a woman. I had to see my friend Carrie as a woman and I had to do everything I could to force my mind to ignore or forget information that might make me not see her as the woman she is.
I was “there” when Carrie came out publicly and it was a relief to be able to call her by her real name all the time. She changed her Facebook profile pic to a female picture, but it was a cartoon character, not a picture of her. So I have not been able to get that male-bodied pic of a middle-aged balding “man” out of my head, and with the name “Ron” associated with that pic in my head, it has been an onerous task getting the pronouns right when I talk to people about Carrie (without using her name, of course) and her transition. I would never deliberately misgender someone, but as a visual person, that picture has been stuck in my brain for 2 years and I have not been able to get it out.
Well today I finally saw that Carrie has posted pictures of herself on Facebook (and WordPress). Hallelujah! I realize that this is my issue and not Carrie’s or any other trans person’s but my difficulty with getting pronouns and gender straight in my head with conflicting visual cues is a valid experience and it gives credence to families’ and friends’ struggles with “getting it right” when someone they’ve known for many years comes out as trans. It is difficult for us cis people to “transition” with your transitioning for very real and understandable reasons that have nothing to do with transphobia, so please be patient with us.
Seeing what Carrie really looks like now makes me pretty confident that “Ron” and the image of “Ron” will quickly fade and I will no longer have any difficulties with pronouns when it comes to Carrie (and she looks great!) Carrie, if you see this: I wish I could express how confused, conflicted and guilty I have felt about my difficulties seeing you as a woman… all because of that stupid picture. ♥
*TRIGGER WARNING: Contains descriptions of violence.
… in that it is a concept.
Santa Claus symbolizes the spirit of giving, generosity and all that is good and lives in the hearts of people. So too, does “cisphobia” live in the hearts of people… in the form of hate by the very people who claim to be oppressed by those they actively oppress.
The false construct of “cisphobia” (“cisgender” + “phobia” = the irrational fear of cisgender people, presumably by people who are not cisgender) runs parallel to the false construct of “reverse racism,” which was created by white bigots (the oppressors) to put the onus of oppression back onto people of color (the oppressed.) The entire concept is ridiculous: The only “reverse” of racism is a lack of racism. But what’s one to expect from hateful bigots? Blaming the victim is part of their repertoire.
There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING irrational about transgender or other non-cisgender people being afraid of cisgender people, as many cisgender people seem threatened by the very existence of transgender people (it seems that trying to explain non-binary gender, agender, gender fluidity, etc. would be like an exercise in futility), and appear to believe that their ignorance and incomprehension gives them tacit permission to commit unspeakable acts of violence against anyone who is not cisgender, white and male, which puts transgender women of color at the highest risk for being raped, tortured, murdered and mutilated by these pre-Neanderthal animals.
“Cisphobia” is not real.
And until cisgender people are preyed upon by transgender or other non-cisgender people due to an irrational fear of cisgender people by non-cisgender people, it will never be real. I find that highly unlikely, at least in my lifetime.
- Dear Piers Morgan, Cisphobia Isn’t Real (And You’re A Jerk) (nyulocal.com)
- Cisphobia (transilhouette.wordpress.com)
- UPDATED: Piers Morgan claims to be a “victim of cisphobia” after Janet Mock perfectly mocks his ignorance on Twitter (salon.com)
- 19 Things Bad ‘Allies’ Say (thoughtcatalog.com)
- cisgender (abagond.wordpress.com)
- Piers Morgan messed up an interview with a transgender rights activist, claimed to be a victim of ‘cisphobia’ – Twitter laughed in his smug, ridiculous face (usvsth3m.com)
- Piers Morgan Interviews Janet Mock: How Not to be an Ally (bluestockingsmag.com)
I think it can be frustrating for communities when allies of that community, when they’re questioned or challenged, or critiqued, say, “Hey, wait a minute, don’t critique me, I’m your best friend, I’m an ally.” It’s like when white people point to the number of black friends they have, or men talk about the “binders full of women” that they’ve hired.
Columbia University Professor
More than once, a gay white man has angrily accused me of man-bashing and even called me a homophobic gay-bashing bigot (!) when I’ve pointed out their cisgender, male white privilege and the fact that most of the LGB…uh T civil rights movement has been focused on the rights of cisgender gay white men and has largely benefited cisgender gay white men, while largely neglecting issues affecting non-cisgender, non-male identified and other “queer”* individuals who do not identify as “gay,” and people of color. Here are words of enlightenment from a gay cisgender white man who actually gets it… with a description of how he got to “getting” it.
*The word “queer” is in quotation marks because I grew up in an era when this word was considered a slur. While I realize that younger people have chosen to “reclaim” the word and recognize that it does have its usefulness as a descriptor, I still have some discomfort in using it.
The following has been reprinted in its entirety from the Advocate:
BY JEFF KREHELY
FEBRUARY 07 2014 8:00 AM ET
The first thing an ally needs to know is that listening comes first. Following the recent controversy around Janet Mock’s appearances on Piers Morgan Live, this is the one message I hope self-professed allies can take away.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure they are.
Here’s what happened. Morgan hosted Mock, an incredible transgender advocate, on his show Tuesday night to discuss her autobiography, Redefining Realness. In the course of so doing, Morgan focused a good deal of the interview on her gender confirmation surgery, and the disclosure of her gender history to her boyfriend. Text on-screen said she “was a boy until age 18.”
To Morgan, the interview went off without a hitch. But Morgan, while an advocate of legal rights for transgender people, doesn’t seem to have a whole heck of a lot of understanding around the lived experiences of transgender people. Twitter, on the other hand, does. And transgender women of color and allies spoke up.
And it just got worse. In the follow-up interview, Morgan and a panelist essentially boiled it down to this logic: she talks about these subjects in her book; we talked about it. She was biologically male at some point, so calling her a boy is fine.
As Mock so astutely noted, sometimes well-intentioned and good people can be really offensive. And many of you reading this right now may still not get how offensive Morgan’s line of questioning, and lack of inquiry about other parts of her life, really is. But keep reading.
Being good, well intentioned, or liberal doesn’t mean you get it. And it doesn’t make you an ally. I know something about this myself — having worked in social justice for more than 15 years, I’ve had to do a whole lot of work to get to the ally point.
I was a 27-year-old openly gay man when I first met someone who openly identified as transgender. He was the boyfriend of a colleague of mine. And he was incredibly forthright about his journey and provided me with my first opportunity to understand what “gender identity” was all about.
I felt supportive, but I didn’t get it. And I wasn’t all that inclined to believe that his challenges were particularly wrapped up in mine. At that time, what are now known as LGBT organizations were very much about the L, the G, and sometimes the B.
Most white gay men like me — even liberal ones — didn’t have much incentive to pressure LGBT groups to expand their agenda, especially as the right-wing led efforts to outlaw our right to marry. Because of my own privileges, that was my main cause and my sole source of oppression in 2004 America.
A couple of years later, I stumbled into a professional LGBT job. And even though I could be hired with very little cultural competency when it came to transgender people, things suddenly came to a head. In 2007, gender identity was dropped from the House’s version of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, and the LGBT movement declared war on itself.
I didn’t yet understand how keenly transgender people needed workplace equality. But the political wonk in me saw the fissure that had happened. And I knew if we couldn’t come together as a movement, we might as well surrender to the far right.
I was an advocate, but I wasn’t an ally.
But in the course of my work — directing research at the Movement Advancement Project — we decided to do a deep-dive on transgender issues. That meant a partnership with National Center for Transgender Equality and the Transgender Law Center.
We approached this research as we did all other projects, which meant that the first step for us was to interview and listen to advocates, researchers, and others who were squarely in the issue space. We spent several weeks reading pretty much everything that had been written on what transgender people go through in our country, including many first-person accounts of the struggles, strengths, and resiliency that define the lives of so many transgender people.
Mara Keisling at NCTE and Masen Davis at TLC were both incredibly patient with my learning curve, and it was clear to me they had had spent many seconds, minutes, and hours explaining transgender issues to other people like me. I was also struck by how effortlessly and sincerely they supported and understood LGB issues.
I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but at some point in doing this research, I finally understood what it meant to be an ally. I could suddenly see the common connections among the LGB and the T, as well as appreciate the stark differences and the many gradations in between. I also naturally felt a responsibility to treat transgender issues with as much — actually, probably more — passion as I did LGB issues.
Which is not to say that I’m an expert on all things transgender, or that I can ever really understand what it means to move through our culture as a transgender person. But I do know that almost every transgender person has to fight to be seen for who they truly are. And that transgender people — especially transgender women and even more so, transgender women of color — face harassment and violence in living authentically.
So back to that line of questioning. When CNN chose to label Mock “a boy for 18 years,” the network was complicit in denying Mock’s own truth — that she never identified as a boy. When Morgan dwelled on her disclosure to her boyfriend — without the addressing the fact that many transgender women have a legitimate fear they’ll be beaten or killed at the point of disclosure — they perpetuated the transphobia that fuels this violence.
Today a reporter wouldn’t think to ask my husband and me, “Who’s the wife?” But a network can still continue calling Mock a boy without blinking an eye.
I was an advocate for legal rights long before I was an ally. And being an ally is a continual process. As the conversations between Piers Morgan and Janet Mock are endlessly debated on Twitter, it strikes me that self-proclaimed transgender allies — which Morgan consistently asserts he is — need to step back and make sure they’ve done their homework.
It takes time and it doesn’t make for great ratings. But it’s the kind of work that creates change and — ultimately — liberation for all.
JEFF KREHELY is the chief foundation officer of the Human Rights Campaign. Interested in becoming a better ally to the transgender community? Check out HRC’s FAQ, the National Center for Transgender Equality, the Transgender Law Center, and the Trans People of Color Coalition.
…her interview with Carmen Carrera and Laverne Cox.
…and learns nothing from her own so-called “teachable moment.”
Reprinted from the Huffington Post
Posted: 01/14/2014 1:19 pm
Producer and host, ‘TransMilitary';
member of the Board of Directors,
National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association
Katie Couric totally missed what she referred to as the “teachable moment” in her interview with Carmen Carrera and Laverne Cox. Sadly, what she did do is reinforce the reality that society as a whole has a long way to go in coming to understand who they know themselves to be.
Couric’s questions said more about her — and her audience’s — ignorance of what is it to be human than it did about their lack of knowledge of being transgender.
At the crux of the situation is that sex does not equal gender. When we’re born we are assigned a sex based on what genitalia is seen between our legs. The error occurs when we make assumptions on someone’s gender based on that sex assignment label.
Assigning someone as female at birth does not mean their gender is female. Assigning someone as a male at birth does not mean their gender is male.
Gender can been seen with three different elements: 1) Who you know yourself to be, 2) how you express yourself to the world, and 3) how the world sees you.
Sex organs do not define gender. Regardless of what we have beneath our clothes our gender is defined in ways beyond our body. Further, the gender we know ourselves to be is a deeply personal experience — if we have the courage to explore it.
No one would ever ask, “Katie, what does your vagina look like today? You’ve given birth twice, right? Has it lost any elasticity?” So why should she ask Carrera what status her genitalia is currently in? How is that Couric’s or her audience’s right to know? And how is that relevant to the gender Carrera knows or expresses?
Asking about sex organs is a) inappropriate and b) shortsighted to understanding the experience of being transgender.
If Couric was more aware of her own gender she would never dare view Carrera as a person who should have to describe the anatomy between her legs. While it may be very personally pertinent to how Carrera feels as a human being, it is no one’s prerogative to use her genitalia or state of transition to make a judgment on her gender. It’s simply not relevant to how we should see Carrera.
With class and compassion Carrera and Cox seized upon the “teachable moment” themselves, highlighting the horrific violence, oppression and discrimination transgender people face. But what doubled the disappointment was that Couric did not listen. She had a list of questions in her head and could not lead the dialogue appropriately. She hadn’t even bothered to learn correct vocabulary, making her use of “transgenders” majorly cringe worthy.
Nonetheless, whether we are transgender or not, why should anyone care what anyone else’s genitals look like? We are all born with what we have and the only reason someone may assert that our body is ‘wrong’ is if that body doesn’t meet the expectation placed upon it. Remove the expectation and allow that human being to just be. Only we know what it’s like to experience being ourselves. Neither Carrera’s nor Couric’s genitalia define the “correctness” of their bodies.
People who are not transgender, who do indeed identify with their sex assigned at birth, are known as cisgender. I would make a guess that Couric is cisgender.
The cisgender obsession with transgender people’s sex organs indicates that cisgender people don’t really know enough about what defines their own state of being. Quite frankly, if as Couric says, “it’s still a mystery to some people,” then go read a biology book or Google it. Stop and think about what defines your own gender. Does Couric really think that it’s her own vagina that makes her a woman? If you’re curious as to the pain level of gender reassignment surgery (GRS) imagine the pain level of any other surgery. Or ask about the fearful pain of isolation due to cisgender lack of self-awareness and awareness of others.
If Couric wants to give a platform to raise awareness and understanding of what it is to be transgender, then she should help her audience come to understand gender dysphoria. Help them understand what it is like for the world to tell you that you’re somebody who you know deep down inside that you’re not. She should ask what it is like to find the courage to realize this. Then ask how you find the incredible bravery to share those thoughts and feeling with another person. Finally, in spite of transgender people facing massively higher rates of murder, rape, unemployment, homelessness, and many other terrors, ask how they find the valor to be who they authentically know they are.
After all of this, Couric’s response to the outcry was this is a “teachable moment.” Yeah, thanks to Carrera and Cox who made the lemonade! Okay, Couric’s train wreck did get people talking, which is always a good thing. But there was no apology. And how much did she, her employer, or her audience learn when today there’s a link on her website to “Meet the Children Who Feel They Were Born in the Wrong Body”? Really? If anything had been taught this should read, “Meet the Children Who Do Not Identify With Their Sex Assigned At Birth.” And again, there was no apology.
To understand more about being transgender we need to talk more about being human. We’re all assigned a sex at birth, but we don’t all agree with the gender that is associated with that original label. Some courageous people actually have the wherewithal to speak up, do something about it and live their life authentically, which is a lot more than many cisgender people do in the world.
Follow Fiona Dawson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/fionajdawson
- Being Transgender Is Not About Surgery (transcister.wordpress.com)
- Watch Two Trans Advocates Take Katie Couric To School (bilerico.com)
- Op-ed: Can The Media Please Stop Focusing on Trans People’s Bodies? (advocate.com)
- What Katie Couric Could Have Asked Her Transgender Guests Instead Of ‘The Question’ (thinkprogress.org)
- Laverne Cox shuts down Katie Couric when asked about her genitals (thegrio.com)
- Breasts, Penises, Vaginas and Why It’s Time to Look Past Them (bethlandau.com)
- Laverne Cox flawlessly shuts down Katie Couric’s invasive questions about transgender people (salon.com)
- Katie Couric Responds To Controversy Over Invasive Question About Transgender Guest (kiramoorescloset.wordpress.com)
- Katie Couric responds to controversy with Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera (rollingout.com)
Star Laverne Cox responds perfectly to Katie Couric’s preoccupation with genitals.
First, for anyone who considers my posting of this article to be “appropriation” of transgender issues:
Get off your ass and quit your damned whining. I’m your fucking ally and at least I’m doing something instead of sitting around bashing cis people. I am posting the words and deeds of a transgender person. If one cis person learns something from my blog, then I’ve made a difference. If one trans person is not raped, tortured, murdered and her body mutilated because I happen to say the right thing to someone… or someone who’s read something I’ve written says something to someone, or someone who’s read something I’ve written says something to someone who says something to someone… then I’ve made a difference. WTF kind of positive impact do you think you’re having on the world when you sit around with your head up your ass spewing “die cis scum” when people are trying to be helpful?
My sincerest apologies for this brief digression to the 99.9% of trans people I have encountered who have bent over backwards to be nice to me. ♥ I offer no apologies to cis people because many are, in fact, “cis scum.”
Reprinted from Salon
TUESDAY, JAN 7, 2014 04:11 PM EST
“The preoccupation with transition and surgery objectifies trans people,” the actress explained to Couric
Transgender model Carmen Carrera and “Orange is the New Black” star Laverne Cox sat down on Monday with Katie Couric to discuss their careers, upcoming projects, and their experiences as high-profile transgender women using their platforms to bring issues of trans justice to national attention.
But Couric, it seems, was mostly interested in talking to both women about their genitalia, in order to “educate” others who may not be “familiar with transgenders.”
After her clueless deployment of “transgenders” as a noun, Couric referred to an earlier segment during which Carrera had (rightly) deflected her invasive questions about surgery and trans bodies (“I don’t want to talk about it, it’s really personal,” Carrera said in reply), then pushed the issue again to Cox, whose response was absolutely perfect:
I do feel there is a preoccupation with that. The preoccupation with transition and surgery objectifies trans people. And then we don’t get to really deal with the real lived experiences. The reality of trans peoples’ lives is that so often we are targets of violence. We experience discrimination disproportionately to the rest of the community. Our unemployment rate is twice the national average; if you are a trans person of color, that rate is four times the national average. The homicide rate is highest among trans women. If we focus on transition, we don’t actually get to talk about those things.
Cox then turned her attention to the recent murder of Islan Nettles, a 21-year-old trans woman, and the staggering rate of violence against trans people in the United States. “By focusing on bodies we don’t focus on the lived realities of that oppression and that discrimination,” she concluded.
I haven’t posted in some time. I have a number of posts almost ready to publish, but it seems that something always comes up and they don’t get posted. And now it looks as though I won’t be posting for a while. :(
I’ve been called “cis scum.” That hurts. I’ve been that told I have no clue and could never possibly understand what it means or feels like to be trans. And while that’s true, I do know what it’s like to be unhappy with and uncomfortable in one’s own body, I do know what it’s like not to conform to society’s gender expectations and face the social consequences for acting accordingly, I do know what it’s like to be “on the outside, looking in” and never fitting in, and yes, I’ve done the “imagine-one-day-waking-up-and-discovering-you-had-a-penis” exercise and FFS, I’d cut the f’ing thing off. But today I was accused of trans appropriation and because of that, I am taking a break from writing this blog.
“Cultural appropriation is the adoption of some specific elements of one culture by a different cultural group.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cultural_appropriation. From a social justice standpoint, the word appropriation is used to describe “instances where a dominant and/or majority group takes up some tangible or intangible aspect of a marginalized and/or minority community,” and is discussed at length in “Considering Trans and Queer Appropriation” in the TransAdvocate. Infact, the TransAdvocate is an overall excellent source of information regarding trans issues. They’re also on Facebook.
I do not exploit people. I have no ulterior motives or sinister intentions in writing this blog. I am disabled, have almost no energy and most of what little energy I have goes into advocating for LGBT people on Facebook with an emphasis on the “T.” I have absolutely nothing to gain from advocating for people, except for maybe a small feeling of usefulness to the world, once every now and then (I have felt like a pathetic, useless waste of DNA since I became disabled and unable to work 7+ years ago.) Most cis people do not go to trans “places” online. I do. So I take what I learn to cis people. Cis people have read my blog. Trans people have thanked me for writing it. Cis people have thanked me too—for clarifying and answering questions that they did not want to ask for fear of offending.
The Onus of Creating Trans* Acceptance Does Not Lie on Trans* People. That is a statement, the title of a blog entry in Genderwork and a link to that blog entry. Read it. What the statement means is that it is not the responsibility of trans people to fight for acceptance of trans people: It is the responsibility of cisgender people to accept trans people. I accept trans people but not all cis people do. I consider it my responsibility to do whatever I can to change this. I acknowledge my cis privilege and I am trying to use that privilege for good—not for evil. I fail to see how this can possibly be perceived as a bad thing.
All I did was to ask for permission from the members in a Facebook group to use quotes—anonymous quotes—so that I would not be appropriating trans experience by describing it, but would be using the words of actual trans people to tell cis people how their ignorant and/or insensitive comments and questions are experienced by trans individuals. After having my motives questioned, even after I stated that I would absolutely not quote anything said by the one person who was creating all the fuss, I was essentially scolded by the group administrator—the cis group administrator—who informed me in a rather condescending manner that I need to get better at listening to trans people vis-à-vis the type of advocacy that helps. I guess I’m supposed to feel grateful that I wasn’t called “cis scum.” I don’t.
So, I’m done. At least for now. You don’t want my voice? I’m gone. Have a wonderful day.
This is a story about Emma, a trans girl, mostly told by her mother. I first saw this on Suzan’s blog at http://womenborntranssexual.com/2013/06/22/emma-60-minutes/. After the video I have posted “grades” for the parents and the media regarding their behavior and apparent attitudes. (Preview: The media passes, but barely.)
The parents get an A+ for being totally supportive of Emma and honest and open about their experiences with Emma’s transgender status, particularly in such a public forum. The only fault I found with the mother is her reference to Emma not being “normal,” although this may be a language difference (there is a substantial difference between American English and Australian English)—she may have meant “not conforming to the ‘norm’ or the average, in which case she would be using “normal” as a statistical term.
Oh, where to start? The media gets a passing grade for covering the story at all, not over-sensationalizing and not acting like total morons. However they need to:
- STOP misgendering Emma by referring to her as a “boy.” Emma has never been a boy. She has ALWAYS been a girl.
- STOP misgendering Emma by referring to her as the parents’ “son.”
- STOP misgendering Emma by referring to her by her birth name. Her name is “Emma.” Have some respect and call her by her name. Do YOU like people calling YOU by an incorrect name?
- STOP, STOP, STOP misgendering Emma by using incorrect pronouns, and
- *F*F*S* it is not “in her her head.” Emma’s gender as a girl is real and it’s not going away. Is YOURS?
As I mentioned, I should have given the media an “F” for these behaviors. I begrudgingly gave them a passing grade for covering the story, not being totally insensitive and not being complete assholes—only partial ones.
In 2009, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force found that more than 97% of transgender individuals had experienced some form of harassment or discrimination at work [and] 47% had been fired, denied a promotion, or refused a position because of their gender identity [number formats edited.] http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/reports/fact_sheets/transsurvey_prelim_findings.pdf
This post, about the transition of Risa Bear while a librarian at the University of Oregon, is a followup to my post “The Power of Pronouns.”
The Pronoun Problem
“It started with a bathroom,” says Risa Bear, retired University of Oregon librarian.
When her bosses learned that she had begun her gender transition, they assigned her a key to the locked, unisex, management bathroom for nearly eight months. They did this to avoid any questions or stares that would make co-workers feel uncomfortable. However, after months of sprinting the 0.8 miles across the library to the management bathroom, Bear decided that it was her time to visit the ladies’ room.
Sitting in a faded green rocking chair one year into retirement, Bear smiles and sips her tea, always aware of where the closest bathroom is. In 2006, at the age of fifty-seven, Richard Bear became Risa after undergoing genital surgery. Despite the tilted heads, cocked eyebrows, and questioning voices, Bear acknowledges that she was among the lucky few to keep their jobs while transitioning.
Dr. Jillian Weiss, a professor at Ramapo College who transitioned at the age of thirty-seven, explains that being fired is the biggest fear when an individual decides to transition.
“We spend so much time at work that this business environment transforms into a social organization,” says Weiss. “Even in a great work environment, it typically takes at least a month for people to adjust to the notion of their co-worker taking on a new identity.”
Bear emphasizes that it was because of the support of those around her that her transition was so smooth. She explains that many of the negative comments she could have heard from students or visitors of the library were deflected by a close group of friends and co-workers who continuously looked out for her.
“I had 300 friends before I transitioned, and 300 friends after I transitioned,” says Bear.
She kept her friends by being someone that other people wanted to know. No matter her gender, Bear was a friend to those around her.
In 2009, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force found that more than ninety-seven percent of transgender individuals had experienced some form of harassment or discrimination at work. Forty-seven percent had been fired, denied a promotion, or refused a position because of their gender identity.
However, Weiss explains that in the last decade, these trends have begun to shift. Since 1982, gender identity protection laws have begun sprouting in states in order to protect individuals from being fired because of their gender identity or sexual orientation.
“It’s not right for someone to be fired because of their gender identity,” says Weiss. “If you think about it, everyone is a little transgender. A woman who works on cars and a man who likes to cook, they are both transitioning across the lines of [stereotypical] gender roles.”
Nevertheless, discrimination because of gender continues. In 2009, a federal judge ruled that Special Forces veteran Diane Schroer be compensated with $491,190 in back pay and benefits, emotional pain and suffering, and out of pocket expenses for the discrimination she faced for being a transgender person. This ruling penalized the Library of Congress for refusing Schroer a job when she announced that she was transitioning from male to female.
From the media to the government, Bear explains that transgender individuals are given the lowest amount of civil rights. In fact, “We’re no longer people, we’re objects,” she says. “If you want to make people feel like they have no rights, like they don’t even belong in society and have no right to ask to be treated like equals, start by telling them that they are less than human.”
According to Bear, the vast majority of people are accepting of transgender people. Once they have the opportunity to meet and work with a transgender individual their stereotypes disappear. However, until that time, they often know very little and assume that whatever stereotypes presented by the media and other outlets are true.
“People tend to not have an opinion,” says Bear. “The opinions they do have are generated from shows like Cops.” Bear explains that the comical representation of transgender people, large men stumbling in low-cut dresses, paints a very harmful picture.
While people are beginning to take the situation seriously, Bear emphasizes that right now, transgender individuals need “media outlets that will present people for who they are and what they do rather than what they are.”
However, without the necessary steps, transgender people still face fierce discrimination in and out of the workplace. In Illinois, the discrimination of transgender people proceeds far beyond the cubical. Victoria Kirk and Karissa Rothkopf sued Illinois for not changing their gender on their birth certificates. Still, the state explained that this was difficult because both women had their surgeries performed by doctors outside of the United States.
Whether navigating the impressions of others or lessening evidence of physical differences for the workplace, Bear explains that there is always a barrier to be broken.
Bear began her career at the University of Oregon while still Richard. However, when she decided to transition, she began leaving her co-workers subtle signs of femininity—a pair of earrings or a barrette in her hair. Bear recalls the evening of August 7, 2003. It was after a day of dressing up and taking pictures that Bear ordered her first set of pills. When she began to take estrogen, she also began to transition.
In 2006, Bear proceeded with her Real Life Test, a psychological examination to ensure that one is ready to change genders and fit into a new role. In Homecomings, Bear’s blog, she recalls a difficult segment of the transition process—changing psychologists three times to find one sympathetic to her experience.
“He inquired into my childhood. He listened to my vocabulary, enunciation and phrasing,” she writes of one psychologist. “He watched my body language. I had a feeling I was not feminine enough for him.”
After completing the required number of sessions, Bear requested a surgery. She flew to Miami where there was a surgeon who was competent, yet affordable. Post-surgery, Bear grew her hair longer and began wearing dresses that covered most of her still slightly masculine figure. Bear explains that she knew that she would never be a “beautiful woman,” but would rather settle for an “old lady.” However, she began to allow herself to wear makeup and jewelry outside of the house, in order to make her new persona more apparent to the public eye.
“I realize this makes me sound a little shallow,” Bear says. “But, I was always afraid of being seen as grotesque.”
Upon returning to work, Bear found that her colleagues were very supportive. Rarely did she encounter conflicts. The “pronoun problem,” as Bear refers to it, is one of the most hurtful mistakes that people make when working with a transgender person. This is often a slip of the tongue, when someone uses “he” instead of “she,” or vice versa.
“It’s the kind of mistake that crushes you and leaves your confidence on the floor for weeks,” Bear says as she chokes back a tear.
Weiss, however, takes a more moderate position to this issue. She explains that transgender individuals need to understand that it’s a transition for their peers as well. It takes time for the mind to adjust to new names and pronouns.
Bear suggests approaching a transgender co-worker in a gentle way with a simple variation of the question: “What pronoun would you like me to use?” She adds that this practice is done throughout the University of Oregon’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) groups and is very successful.
As a transitioning counselor, Weiss is often asked to assist companies when an employee is transitioning. When doing so, she breaks the process into three main steps.
First, she pulls all company records and policies to ensure that they are transgender friendly.
“There are so many sensitive issues that need to be changed,” explains Weiss. “And it’s not the transgender employee’s responsibility to educate their employer on the issues.”
Instead, Weiss looks at bathroom policies, paychecks, changing names on payroll, emails and much more to ensure a smooth transition.
Next, Weiss holds an intensive training for management. She talks to them about what it means to be transgender and how the transition will affect their employees. Weiss prepares management to be supportive while not changing the working environment. An ideal employer, according to Weiss, is one who seeks outside resources to aid in the transition. Hiring a human resources consultant to work specifically with the transition, or doing research that takes pressure away from the transgender individual helps show support.
Finally, a similar training is held for co-workers.
“This session is more casual, allowing everyone to ask questions and understand that the transition won’t affect their work environment.”
Weiss explains that often colleagues ask questions in good faith, but enter very personal territory that the transitioning individual may not be comfortable answering. These questions include asking what sort of surgery or medications they are using. Rather, it is appropriate to be inquisitive about how this will change their relationship with the transgender individual, not about the details of the transition itself.
“People are usually curious about what they should do if a client calls for Mr. Smith, but Mr. Smith is now Ms. Smith,” Weiss says.
These are issues that Weiss helps associates navigate and practice. She stresses that within the first month, most kinks are worked out and by the end of the year, pronoun and name changes are hardly even a conscious effort.
“It wouldn’t be the end of the world if you asked the transgender individual ‘why’ he or she is transitioning, but remember that when someone’s at work, he or she is just trying to do the job—regardless of gender,” she says.
Lonnie Sexton, a colleague and friend of Bear’s, says that as Bear gained confidence in her new identity, she became a role model to others. Sexton explains that Bear is an individual who is even tempered and has always been a joy to be around. She also speaks of Bear as a role model for students. “Those [students] grappling with transgender identity could look to [Bear] as a model of a smooth transformation. She has confidently integrated her transformation with other aspects of her life—work, friendships, and family.”
Throughout this process, Bear says that her peers were aware and supportive of her decisions.
“Risa, keep your knees closed,” repeats Bear in recollection of the best advice an associate ever gave her.
“I knew and liked Richard Bear as a co-worker,” says Sexton in reference to the transformation. “However, I was not very close with him. I was interested in his poetry, and we exchanged pleasantries, but that was the extent of our relationship. On the other hand, I have become very friendly with Risa Bear. It’s interesting that she is the same person, but I definitely relate better to her as a woman. This says more about me than her.”
“There are a lot of rules about transitioning—I broke them all,” Bear says with a chuckle. However, she advises everyone about to delve into their own transition to invest in a nice set of thank you cards and Hershey’s Kisses. “Express your gratitude and show appreciation when people are nice to you,” says Bear. She explains that her own gratitude paid off greatly when people would stop by to give her a hug or when a woman would pause and whisper “welcome” to her.
What is the real reason the head COCKroach in charge doesn’t want trans women at RatFest?
A Rose By Any Other Name…
…Does Not ALWAYS Smell as Sweet.
I first started writing about transgender issues on Facebook when I wanted to provide some basic guidelines for cisgender people regarding how to talk to and about transgender issues. In my very first post I stated:
While a small number of people use the word “transsexual,” they are in the minority; it is considered offensive by many and the word “transgender” is generally the appropriate word to use… See “‘J’ and Some Definitions,” in this blog, originally published on Facebook on April 13, 2012.
I’ve learned considerably more about trans* issues since then, one issue of which is the split between people who refer to themselves as “transgender” vs. those who adamantly refer to themselves as “transsexual” and insist that they do not fit under the “transgender umbrella.” (see below.) Apparently it’s a big political issue that has not only caused divisiveness in the LGBTI community, but there is now a huge chasm in the trans* community as well, with some individuals attempting to force their labels on others and attempting to create a hierarchy regarding who is “really” trans*.
Transgender is an umbrella term that includes different types of gender variant people (including transsexual people) so transgender women could, for example, refer to either a woman who was assigned male at birth, identifies as a woman, but does not wish to undergo physical changes, or a transsexual woman. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans_woman
I completely disagree: Transsexual/transgender, intersex , androgyne and polygender people do not belong in the same category as cross-dressing and transvestite people; furthermore, the entire concept of a cisgender person deciding to categorize and label people without their consent pisses me off. None of these groups should be lumped into a single category because they are completely DIFFERENT from each other.
In my last post I addressed the Power of Language. That post specifically addressed pronouns. I believe that respecting people’s preferences regarding labels (if labels are needed at all—I personally despise labels) is just as important. This is what I got when I posted my feelings about this on the facebook page “Boycott GLADD’s and AA’s T-Shirts: ‘Transsexual Will NOT be Censored.’” My response follows:
MY FIRST COMMENT:
WOW. Just like many disenfranchised groups, it is amazing that anything gets done with all of the infighting.
First of all, in the US, people who dress in clothes of the opposite sex part-time are referred to as “transvestites,” not “transgender;” although there are some who place transvestites under the transgender “umbrella,” they don’t belong there.
Second, all of the people I know who refer to themselves as “transgender” have a medical condition that requires medical treatment—some have been able to afford the surgery, some not yet—but they ALL are what you define as “transsexual.” IT IS JUST A FLUCKING WORD. I fully understand why you want to differentiate yourselves from cross-dressers, but saying that people who use a different word to describe themselves WHEN THEY ARE JUST LIKE YOU (which may, in fact, be cultural in origin, based on geography and/or age) is divisive and destructive.
Third, the psychiatric diagnosis “Gender Identity Disorder” was created so that people can get the psychiatric evaluations necessary to ensure that only individuals whose gender is truly in conflict w/their physical bodies get treatment and that they are making an informed decision (and able to give informed consent). As a licensed mental health professional I KNOW that transgenderism/transsexuality is NOT a mental disorder, but there has to be a billable psychiatric diagnosis or insurance companies will not pay for these evaluations, pure and simple.
Forth, while some transgender/transsexual people I know refer to the discordance between body and gender as a birth defect or medical condition (which I do, to differentiate it from a psychiatric disorder), some do not, as they do not wish to be viewed as “disordered.”
Geez, have some respect for the words people use to refer to themselves. For example, younger LGBTI people are using the word “queer” now, while others of us cringe at that word as offensive. For some people the word “transsexual” is just as offensive, although it may not be to you.
I’m cis, so you can discount everything I have to say and tell me to f-off. But ironically enough, I guarantee that my trans friends would completely support my comment.
The other person made reference to the DSM IV & V before I did but then edited it out before I got the screen cap, making it look as though I was being argumentative. SHE brought it up. btw, I DO have my DSM IV right next to me….
MY NEXT (long) COMMENT:
I’m just asking you to back up what you’re claiming.
Almost all of my trans friends use the word “transgender” to describe themselves—pre- or post-op—yet they are not fetishists, not wannabes, not part-timers… they are exactly what all of you are describing as transsexuals. Almost all of them view this as a curable congenital condition (except those who don’t want to be viewed as “disordered”.)
For the most part you’re fighting over a word. For example, some lesbians prefer to be referred to “lesbians,” some “gay;” infighting over how people refer to THEMSELVES and not respecting how people refer to THEMSELVES does nothing to help TS/TG people (not transvestites or fetishists–I could give a rat’s @$$ about them) get the rights they deserve, and only hurts the cause. I cringe at the word “queer” that younger people are now using because I remember its old connotations, but if they want to refer to themselves as “queer,” I RESPECT their right to do so and am not going to nit-pic over definitions because it accomplishes nothing but divisiveness in the LGBTI community.
I’m not trying to fight, but I have to ask: Are you being hostile towards me because I’m cisgender and therefore must not know what I’m talking about? Because my trans friends can tell you that I am more supportive of trans issues than many in the trans community. I DO understand that cis people pushed all the non TS/TG people under the “transgender umbrella” and do not agree that: 1) they belong there or 2) cis people have any business defining trans people. But when a legitimately trans person prefers the term “transgender” over “transsexual” and THEY ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AS WHAT YOU DESCRIBE AS “TRANSSEXUAL,” they should be respected and referred to by the term they prefer.
RESPONSE TO MY COMMENT:
MY FINAL COMMENT:
I’m not an idiot, am well-educated and I understand the meaning of the words. I also specifically mentioned that I am in the US and that there may be cultural differences. In common use, the word “transgender” in the US is used to refer to someone who is, by your definition TS, despite the existence of the “transgender umbrella.”
My friends are NOT cross-dressers, they are what you refer to as TS and many are taking hormones and are trying to find a way to afford surgery (some have already had it)–they have all been properly diagnosed by licensed physicians as having a medical condition that requires treatment. Unlike the UK, virtually no health insurance companies pay for SRS/GRS. I think the “transgender umbrella” is utter BS and would never refer to a transvestite or anyone else who does not meet the criteria for what you refer to as TS as “transgender.” I NEVER STATED THAT EVERY TS SHOULD BE LABELED TG. Screw PC—I merely stated that people should be RESPECTED and referred to by the label they prefer, if a label is needed at all. Oh, and I don’t feel “threatened” by people who don’t show respect for other people’s feelings—they piss me off for their lack of respect.
You are wrong—I do NOT feel that anyone who labels themselves as TG should get treatment—medical treatment for TS/TG should only be available and provided by licensed physicians after careful and proper diagnosis of a medical condition.
You obviously didn’t read my post; you apparently saw “transgender” and my self-disclosure as being “cisgender” and reacted. My issue is with you forcing YOUR label on other TS/TG people in the same way that cisgender people created the “transgender umbrella” to label YOU, thereby disenfranchising people who are JUST LIKE YOU. It is so sad to see that the TS/TG community is as divisive as the LGBT community–it’s a wonder you have any rights at all.
I don’t appreciate your condescending attitude towards me and you DO seem to be dismissive of me because I am cisgender. I would be happy to provide you with the names of friends who are, by your definition “transsexual” although most of them refer to themselves as “transgender.” I spend a lot of my time writing a blog dedicated to trans* issues, written specifically to educate cis people on trans* issues; some of my followers are trans* people, some of whom refer to themselves as TS, some as TG and they are all what you would call TS. People from the LGBT and non-LGBT communities have thanked me for doing so because they wanted to know more but were afraid to ask, because they are sensitive to people’s privacy and because they did not want to be met with hostility for using the “wrong” terminology or “saying the wrong thing.” This post is a perfect example of why.
The link to my blog, if you are willing to lower yourself to reading anything written from a cis perspective, is below. If you read from bottom to top (i.e., in chronological order) you will see the process by which I, a cis person, learned about trans* issues. You expect us to understand you—how about reciprocating? http://transcister.wordpress.com/
To anyone who is not happy with this blog or this particular post, I will conclude with a quote a read somewhere ;) recently:
The only people who are mad at you for speaking the truth are living a lie.
I have been criticized by several straight cisgender white males in my life for being “too politically correct” when it comes to language (I gave up on correcting their grammatical errors and incorrect use of words a long time ago. ) I have had the words “feminist,” “liberal” and “atheist” (I’m agnostic—they couldn’t even get it right!) hurled at me in anger… yeah, as though those are insults! rofl These were instances of men with privilege not recognizing their privilege and then using that privilege not only to malign others, but also to attempt to intimidate me into shutting up. It didn’t work. My father prides himself in not being a bigot (and he really isn’t when it comes to people of color or people with physical disabilities) yet he has the most rigid attitudes of anyone I know and refuses to admit that some of his “opinions” may not be based on factual information.
The importance of language should not be underestimated. Our lives center largely around various types of relationships. The success of relationships depends on communication, and much of our communication is accomplished through language and how we use language. As someone who has been addressed by an incorrect name on a regular basis and has her surname mispronounced more frequently than it has been pronounced correctly, I can attest to how invalidated it can make one feel. And when someone doesn’t spell my name correctly when it is right in front of them (e.g., on Facebook) it sends me the message that their communication with me is not (or I am not) important enough to them for them to make the effort. When I was a manager responsible for hiring, any resumés with letters on which my name was spelled incorrectly automatically went into the “probably not” pile: If a prospective employee does not make the effort to spell their possible future supervisor’s name correctly, what can one expect in terms of the quality of their work?
Names, descriptive labels and pronouns… they are all important because they refer to who we are. When people use incorrect names, descriptions, pronouns, etc., it strikes to the very core of our identities as human beings.
Or, more accurately, they are symptomatic of the issue.
The issue that underlies all the rest of the stuff, the issue that creates the fundamental problems.
The use of the proper pronouns, the use of the right name, the remembering to say that a woman is a woman instead of calling her a man — these things are all symptomatic of the issue, and they are the most important things.
Because the issue is this: if you want to say that trans women are not women or trans men are not men, especially when you hate them, then you are the problem, not the solution.
That’s what underlies the bullshit around the MWMF. That’s why it hasn’t gone away, and only gets worse.
That’s what underlies the calls for things like laws that decide which bathroom you can use based on your birth certificate.
That’s what underlies laws that require sterilization just to change some paperwork.
That’s what makes that paperwork so damned important.
Some might speculate that it is men who kill trans women of color. IT is a reasonable speculation — the majority of the attacks that are known are done by men. But many of the attack that are done are also done by women.
The call for the moral extermination of trans people was put forth by a woman, though. A woman who also helped to ensure that medical coverage for trans needs was labeled as “experimental” decades ago, when it already had decades behind it.
THat, by itself, meant that a lot of trans people died, and they all died for the same core reasn: people did not see them as the women they are, and even though they might, occasionally, say something like “well, they are women, but they aren’t female?, that sort of bullshit is nothing more than a backhanded furtherance of the very same problem.
That is the problem. IT is the chief problem, the first problem, the most important problem. It is more important for trans people than domestic violence, than rape, than homelessness, than pretty much all of those social ills because it is what lies at the very heart of it.
Other people do not get to police how one person’s existence is genuine or not. You do not get to decide if I am enough of a woman, or if I have “female energy”, or if I am the right sort or the proper kind.
That is, in the end, the core of it. The heart of it. Because that lies at the heart of all those other things, and is the root cause, the root source, and those who continue to do it are complicit in the very acts thereby.
BEcause no matter what the statistical prevalence of other things might say (and here I am thinking of someone who uses a statistical model in a commentary on this, not realizing the incredibly racist manner of her usage, while dismissing as unreliable a study that is far, far more reliable than her piss poor assemblage of disparate data), it is not poverty alone that creates situations like this.
And until people recognize the basic, core, heartfelt sense of self in people who are men, women, both, and neither, then there will continue to be an overriding need to recognize that pronouns are indeed incredibly important.
Because that is what lies at the root. That is the first step. That trans women be seen as women. That trans men be seen as men. That trans people of color be seen as just as much a part of the trans community as all the rest.
That’s not merely pandering, either.
The single most overwhelming predictor of success in a diversionary program — be it substance abuse, prostitution, or just getting out of a cycle of self destructive behavior — for a trans person is that they be treated consistently, enduringly, and readily as the man, woman, or person they are.
And I have data going back seven years that supports that. That shows that respecting someone is the first step to saving their life.
That’s the impact on 3200 trans people. Not counting the ones in the last year.
SO yes, the right to be called the right pronouns, the right name, is the most important thing to do.
So let’s name the problem, shall we?
The problem is people not thinking that trans people are what they really are. The problem is people policing trans people’s lives. The problem is fucking assholes who call trans women men and male, and trans men women and female.
IF you know someone who does that — no matter what their justifications are for it — you know someone who is actively contributing to the problem, who is part of it, and who is fighting against the solution.
The solution is simple.
Tell them to stop treating other people as if their lives were their personal property.
I can think of one person, we’ll call her Cockroach, who does this frequently. She runs around the internet acting like a dick and then scrambling away every time the light is turned on. Seems fitting.
It would be pretty incredible if people just went to all her twitter accounts, to all her “friends”, to all her Facebook pages and all her blogs and simply left the comment above. Nothing more, nothing less.
Stop treating other people as if their lives are your personal property. Stop using the wrong pronouns. Stop using the wrong names. Stop being the problem.
A real simple comment. It doesn’t say the hard things we all want to say the way we would like to say them. But it still says what needs to be said, and it does it well.
Then leave it alone. They have been “educated”. After that, its up to them, and it is time to move on to greener pastures. They will be left behind, consigned to the dustbin of history, footnotes on how not to be human beings in the not too distant future.
Just as the person who called for that moral extermination, that genocide, is now a footnote, consigned to the dustbin of history, an example of how not to be a human being.
There are bigger fish in the sea.
The St. Petersburg Pride Parade, the largest Pride celebration in the State of Florida and the 4th largest in the Southeastern US will take place on this Saturday, June 29, 2013. More than 100,000 people from all over Florida (and from all over the country!) are expected to attend. The Pride festival is the largest single-day event in the City of St. Petersburg.
I’ve marched in the parade the past 3 years, with 3 different groups. Based on the depressing experience I had last year (see my blog entry “Where is the Pride?” for a blow-by-blow description of that fiasco), I have been procrastinating on finding a group to march with this year. Last year I marched with a trans* group and while I would like more than anything to show my support for my trans* friends in the same way again this year, I felt like such an outsider last year that I don’t think I’m going to do that again. I identified a new group to march with, but my daughter is marching with that group and I don’t think the wannabe independent adolescent wants her Mom there….
Anyway, I’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I saw this article on Kira Moore’s blog Kira Moore’s Closet and thought it both timely and replete with facts and challenges faced by transgender people:
Transgender activists have planned a march and festival during Seattle’s Pride celebrations to increase visibility of a little-understood segment of the LGBT community.
Seattle Times staff reporter
Originally published June 23, 2013 at 9:03 PM | Page modified June 23, 2013 at 10:49 PM
They are the “T” in LGBT and arguably the most maligned segment of that community.
Many transgender men and women face hardships in routine areas of daily life. They are twice as likely as the general population to be unemployed or homeless and four times as likely to live in poverty.
Some 90 percent said in a 2011 national survey that they had encountered discrimination at work, and more than one in three attempt suicide at some point in their lives.
Such dire statistics are part of what inspired Danielle Askini, a 30-year-old transgender activist, and a group of volunteers, to organize Trans Pride in Seattle during the week set aside at the end of June each year to mark the historical launch of the nation’s gay-rights movement.
Executive director of a Seattle organization called the Gender Justice League, Askini said the goal is to help promote visibility of a population often in the shadows of its higher-profile gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.
“For us there are some very distinct political and sociological justice struggles that the LGBT community has not always been the best in addressing,” said Askini, who lives in Kirkland and is program manager for QLaw, the state’s LGBT bar association.
“Some of us are calling this our coming-out party.”
The Williams Institute, a national think tank that does public-policy research on sexual orientation and gender identity, estimates there are 700,000 transgender people in the U.S. — people whose birth-assigned sex does not match the gender to which they feel they belong.
Trans Pride celebrations are planned for a number of U.S. cities this year.
In Seattle, one is scheduled for Friday, beginning with a 6 p.m. march from Seattle Central Community College on Capitol Hill to Cal Anderson Park, followed by a festival at the park.
Starting to gain visibility
It’s been 44 years since the riots at the Stonewall Inn in New York launched the gay-rights movement.
And in cities across the country, the LGBT community marks the anniversary with colorful pageantry — including a parade down Fourth Avenue in Seattle followed by a festival at Seattle Center and smaller celebrations throughout the month.
In the 1990s, transgender people began participating in Seattle Pride for the first time — one of the first cities where that occurred — and in 1997 hosted their own Trans Pride Rally, which drew about 150 people onto Broadway on Capitol Hill.
In recent years, as the broader LGBT community has built strong alliances and gained broad acceptance, the particular needs of transgender people have been getting more attention, too.
The Social Security Administration recently announced it would no longer require proof of surgery to alter the gender ID of individuals in its records; other federal agencies also have relaxed requirements for documents such as passports and visas.
Transgender men and women also have gained protection against discrimination in areas such as housing and employment in Washington, 15 other states and the District of Columbia, and more than half of all Fortune 500 companies now have nondiscrimination policies in place.
During the first August weekend each year, thousands from across the world attend the Gender Odyssey conference in Seattle, an international event focusing on the needs of transgender and gender-variant individuals.
And a growing number of employers nationwide, including Microsoft, have expanded their insurance coverage to meet the needs of transgender workers — a major area of concern for the community.
Still, transgender people — who can be either gay or straight — have not gained the kind of visibility that the gay community has.
Nor have they experienced the kind of broad successes the gay community has won in recent years, with same-sex marriage now legal in 12 states, including Washington, and the repeal of the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, which banned openly gay military service. The U.S. military still prohibits transgender people from serving openly.
Marsha Boxter is co-founder and chair of the Ingersoll Gender Center, a Seattle-based organization that works with transgender people and has become one of their best known advocates on a local and national level.
She said “like any group, there’s a period of survival, early organizing, then a stage where the community widens and matures, and at some point there’s the public identification of the community.”
The transgender community has now arrived at that point, she said.
Trans Pride, in which Ingersoll will participate, should help “increase visibility for the community; and if it brings more energy at all — and it will — that’s always welcome and wonderful,” she said.
Boxter said the findings of the national poll, conducted by the National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Taskforce, are mirrored in Washington state, where concerns over joblessness and underemployment are among the reasons the Ingersoll center began an employment project.
Advocates believe transgender people face discrimination in large part because of how they may look — a male-to-female transgender person might be much taller than the average woman or have a deeper voice, or a trans male might still have hips and female breasts.
Some employers might find that unsettling, out of sync with their view of gender as being immutable.
Access to health care, particularly health-insurance coverage, is another primary concern for transgender men and women.
Most employer-based health-insurance plans exclude coverage for transition-related treatment and other care on the grounds they’re cosmetic or elective in nature — claims that have been challenged by medical professionals.
Fred Swanson, executive director of the Gay City Health Project, Trans Pride’s fiscal sponsor, said an added community concern is the high rate of HIV.
Part of the problem, Swanson said, is that transgender people are not accessing health care at the same level as the general population, in part because of the challenge in finding culturally competent medical providers they feel they can trust.
“For gays and lesbians, that’s a challenge,” he said. “For transgender and gender variant individuals, it’s very difficult.”
He points to Centers for Disease Control statistics that show male-to-female transgender people have an HIV rate of 28 percent. Gay City will make the first mass distribution of home HIV test kits in King County during Trans Pride and other Pride events that weekend.
Askini, 30, who was raised by foster parents from around age 15 when she began transitioning to female, represents a new generation of activists. Like many young people throughout the LGBT movement, she is eager for change.
But she and other transgender people recognize the limitations of the law in addressing many of the challenges they face.
Laws alone, she points out, won’t stop negative media portrayals or prevent transgender people from taking their own lives. “The law can’t force your neighbor to like you,” Askini said.
She believes society is growing more familiar with those in her community as transgender people come out publicly.
Chaz Bono, the only child of celebrities Cher and Sonny Bono, announced his transition from female to male about four years ago, and President Obama three years ago became the first U.S. president to appoint a transgender person to his administration.
Askini believes the next step is for transgender people to gain more acceptance through visibility, by allowing others to get to know them as neighbors, co-workers and friends — much as the larger gay and lesbian community has done.
“That cultural shift has started to happen,” she said. “The reason we started Trans Pride is to highlight that, to increase visibility, while creating something where we in the community can see one another and celebrate ourselves.”
Lornet Turnbull: 206-464-2420 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
On Twitter @turnbullL.