Questions & Answers in Response to Previous Blog Entry

In response to the original Facebook post of 2. Daphne, I received the following (some editing done) from someone (“M”) who preferred to remain anonymous.  I marked questions/issues that will be addressed with bracketed numbers, starting with [1]:
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I had a guy a few years ago (before i was out) [as a cisgender lesbian] that would come into where i worked and was always trying to get me to go out with him was definitely not my type 

1) he was 30 and almost as bald as a 80-year-old,
2) he was only about 4’7″
3) something just didn’t feel right about him
4) he had 4 kids (wasn’t ready for that either) apparently his wife had left him and the kids

but still that something i really didn’t understand what it was until he asked me to meet him at the movie theater one day after work so being the nice person i am i said ok. well the day i was supposed to meet him at the movies he stopped by to make sure i was still going. when he walked through the door he had on high heals and a skirt. i didn’t say any thing because i’m not rude like that. he then looked down and said oh dammit i forgot i had this on and proceeded to tell me that he liked to wear womens cloths.

any way untill that point i thought that transgendred [1] meant that you liked the same sex as a partner but now i know thats not true. [2] unfortunatly i could not go out with him. it caught me way off guard.

but any way we all deserve to be happy regardless of who we are and if that is what makes someone happy that is cool with me
but since then i have had several trans gendred [1] friends and enjoyed talking to them but im a lesbian so i guess that wouldnt work any way [3]

sorry it probably sounded like i was rambling but i had to let that one out been keeping it to my self for many years [4]

had a very good friend on YouTube a couple of years ago…. she was really cool and she had a girl friend and even though she was a he [5] i never saw [6] any thing but a very nice woman [7]

My response:

[1] The term preferred by most transgender people is “transgender,” although “transgenderED” is acceptable to a small minority. You should use the term an individual uses–each person decides how to label their OWN identity (or not) and nobody else has the right to define anyone else.

[2] Just to clarify: You are right, in that gender and sexual orientation are completely separate. However, the sexual orientation of transgender people can be lesbian, gay or bisexual–JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.  Also,people who cross-dress (formerly known as transvestism, and men who dressed in women’s clothing were called “transvestites,” but this is an entirely different topic…) are usually NOT transgender:  If someone is dressing in the clothing that matches the gender THEY ARE, that is NOT cross-dressing.

[3] Why wouldn’t it work? Transgender women are WOMEN and some are lesbians or bisexual, just as some cisgender women are lesbians or bisexual.

[4] Please DON’T keep questions and concerns like this to yourself. Part of the reason that there is such mystery about transgender people and they are stigmatized so much is because people are NOT talking openly about these things!

[5] “She” was never a “he.” This is a common error–to confuse “gender” with “sex.” Gender is in the brain and reflects who the person IS. Sex is manifested in the body–the chromosomes, the reproductive system and the outward appearance of the genitals and rest of the body–and is only what the person LOOKS LIKE. A person is transgender if these 2 don’t match.  ALWAYS use the pronouns (e.g., “she,” “he,” “her,” him,” etc.) that are preferred by an individual… unless you want someone else defining who YOU are.

[6] 😀 ♥ You just made my day! Yes, you DID “see” her! You “saw” the woman that she is.

[7] Transgender women are WOMEN, just as lesbian and bisexual women are WOMEN. All of us women need to break down those artificial boundaries that we’ve allowed to separate us; we need to stick together and advocate for each other.

Thank you, “M” for giving me loads of material to run on about!  😉

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Posted on June 2, 2012, in transgender and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on Questions & Answers in Response to Previous Blog Entry.

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